Are you struggling with your parent’s narcissistic traits? Are you feeling like you were damaged by their behavior as a child and now as an adult and want to learn how to keep those words, attitudes, and beliefs from becoming yours?
Narcissism is a personality disorder where a person has an inflated sense of self-importance and entitlement. It is one of the most challenging parental issues that children can come up against. Growing up in an environment of emotional instability, criticism, and unpredictable behavior can have lasting mental health implications.
If you grew up with narcissistic parents, you may find yourself imbuing their behaviors without realizing it. It’s critical to recognize these patterns early so that they don’t become ingrained behaviors. However, there are strategies that may help to break the cycle. Here are 9 positive strategies to avoid following your parent’s narcissistic traits.
Stick to Your Boundaries
Boundaries might include limiting communication or interactions with the parent, stating what topics are off-limits, and not engaging in arguments or discussions that may lead to a negative interaction. Taking a break from the suffocating dynamic is an important step in freeing oneself from the influence of narcissism. Additionally, it is important to be assertive when communicating your needs and opinions — showing that you expect respect and acknowledgment for being your own person. Finally, surrounding yourself with supportive people, who can provide encouragement and validation can help in developing a healthy sense of self-worth without relying on external sources of validation or recognition.
Be Mindful
Talk to yourself with encouragement and enthusiasm when you make mistakes and learn from them rather than blame yourself for every last thing. Additionally, practice acceptance and validation of feelings, even if it requires shifting perspectives away from seeing things in terms of successes or failures. Finally, have meaningful conversations with your friends and family that centers around inner peace, happiness, self-compassion, and forgiveness.
Find Joy
Find meaningful two-way relationships in which you can share problems and successes with each other. Focus on understanding other people’s perspectives, instead of seeing them as an extension of yourself. Develop internal practices such as self-reflection, mindfulness, and self-care, which will help you deal with difficult emotions in a constructive way. Finally, find a supportive community of friends or family who wants the best for you and can provide an ear when needed.
Listen, Actively
When faced with the challenge of not following in the narcissistic footsteps of one’s parents, positive strategies are key. A core part of positive methods is focusing on actively listening to others and practicing empathy. Active listening involves being present, attentive and genuinely engaged in understanding what someone else is saying by reflecting back their words or paraphrasing. Practicing empathy acknowledges that we all have different experiences that shape our beliefs and our worldview. Being able to succinctly put yourself in another person’s shoes can help break from any self-centered behavior pattern formed from growing up with a narcissistic parent.
It’s Okay to Make Mistakes
Making mistakes and learning from them is an essential part of growing up and becoming a well-rounded individual. In addition, it can help you avoid falling into the trap of perfectionism and presenting yourself in an unrealistic way in order to gain approval from others. It also allows you to be vulnerable and show that no one is perfect, which can often bring people closer together and create trust between them. Furthermore, by allowing yourself to use mistakes as opportunities for self-growth, you can break away from the narcissism that might be projected onto you through your parent’s behavior.
What’s Your Hobby?
Engaging in these activities can also help you to build better relationships with yourself and others around you by providing time for reflection. Getting adequate sleep, eating nutritious foods, and being physically active is just as important when it comes to avoiding following your parent’s narcissistic traits. Additionally, try to find joy in practice-based accomplishments such as learning an instrument, playing sports, or mastering a new skill that creates satisfaction over time.
Catch that Thought
It is important to be mindful of the thoughts you are having in order to avoid developing narcissistic traits. It’s common for those affected by narcissistic parents to unknowingly adopt the same patterns of thinking or behavior. When those patterns begin to arise, it’s important to take a step back and question why you are thinking that way. Are you trying to feel superior or superior over others? If so, it may be helpful to take time out and practice self-reflection and self-love techniques that can help you recognize when you are feeling overly grandiose or self-important. Also, connecting with supportive friends or family members can provide a healthy perspective on values and relationships that foster greater mental health.
Don’t Compare
One positive strategy to avoid developing narcissistic traits is to try not to constantly compare yourself with others. Too much comparison can lead to jealousy, rivalry, resentment and a feeling of lack or inadequacy. Instead, focus on finding your own unique gifts, interests and values that define you and make you distinct from others. In this way you will be able to nurture an efficient sense of self without needing the approval or admiration of others for validation.
Mind Your Words
Learning to practice healthy methods of communication is essential for avoiding the narcissistic traits that parents may have passed down. Instead of using sarcasm and humor as a coping mechanism, it is important to use open and honest dialogue when communicating with loved ones. Being kind, compassionate, and understanding are all positive strategies when helping someone work through an issue instead of resorting to negative humor. Healthy communication also means being willing to listen without making assumptions or assuming the person is wrong. Lastly, offering genuine feedback without showing contempt or ridicule can go far in limiting the transfer of narcissistic traits from one generation to the next.
Final Say
In conclusion, following our parents’ narcissistic traits can be damaging to our personal development and should be avoided at all costs. However, there are many positive strategies that we can employ to help us create healthier relationships with ourselves and others and avoid repeating the same patterns from our pasts. From understanding the importance of setting boundaries to actively choosing to show empathy towards others, these strategies provide a constructive approach to dealing with our issues and learning from the mistakes of our parents in order to develop healthier relationships that reject narcissism altogether.
